Then God asked me: If there is never a husband—if it’s always just you and me—will you still follow me?
The church doesn’t really talk about dating or the benefits of it. I’m a natural researcher and will look up anything and everything so before I started seriously dating Aaron I looked up other blogs and advice about just dating. Just dating. I stumbled across a few folks including Heather Lindsey and her transparent blog really encouraged me to seek God for myself and for my relationship. Her testimony was so encouraging because like me she had a strong relationship with God before dating her now-husband. I admired her story because she kept God at the center and they got married 2 years later. So that’s when it dawned on me that …I wanted that too. I want to please God with my relationship, with my love for someone else and I want to get married.
Before Aaron, I just thought about my life in a linear fashion – graduate NYU, go to law school, buy a condo, be successful and eventually get married.
Then I fell in love and started planning our wedding two months in. Graduate where? Move away why? We going together or naw..? HA!
I get it. Marriage is a God ordained thing. But I feel like I need someone to talk to me about the boundaries within dating. What does it mean to develop into a wife or a husband? How much prayer does it take to maintain a reflective mindset when it comes to developing as a couple but also becoming who God has called you to be? How do you redirect your passion for someone else toward God? Can we talk about that honestly? In our churches? In our houses? Let’s talk about it please.
Also, can we talk about developing your own interests and becoming your own woman AND becoming a wife and mother? Are the two mutually exclusive? (I really have conflicting thoughts about being a woman and being a Christian that I’m still navigating ..I’ll probably write a blog post soon *sigh*)
I battled my relationship with Aaron and my relationship with God. I am still battling which is crazy but I must admit that it has definitely gotten better. Thankfully, Aaron is a natural leader so he brings up discussions about God often, we pray often (but could be better), and we are both aware that without God at the center there is not going to be any progression forward. I know a few folks will say “God is always first no matter what” which is true. 100%. But what about those moments when you feel like God isn’t necessarily there but your significant other is? Or those moments when living a holy life is easier said than done? Or what about those moments in your own life when you’re not really feeling God at the moment? Does anyone or has anyone ever felt that way too?
I have been realizing that I started to make marriage, a ring, a title all idols in my life with Aaron being one of those idols as well when I started dating. It seems crazy to type and some people will say that falling in love is innocent but realistically I would have to disagree. Dating can go left so quickly if your heart isn’t in the right place. The heart is deceitful and no one can really know it but God …soo if I take God out of the equation – I can’t possibly be living my life with a pure heart. (Jeremiah 17:9 NLT) That was the issue. I am learning to trust God with everything – including my relationship – because He is the only one who knows the desires of my heart and loves me just the same and wants to bless me with them. That includes love. That includes a strong, loving marriage. That includes happiness. None of which I can conjure up and make my own without Him. I’m grateful for that for sure. It took me a while to get to this point and it took a lotttt of laying things down. It seems like the more I draw closer to God through reading His Word and prayer ..the more He pulls out of me. It’s not always pleasant but it’s definitely been worth it. Thank you Jesus!
But back to my original question.
If there was never a wedding, never a ring, never a husband …I’m now confident that I would follow God. God has been there before there was ever a thought of a relationship with Aaron or anyone and He never plans to leave. We (all of US) are His Forever – when he looks at us as His bride, He’s already made the biggest purchase that no amount of diamonds can secure … so shoutouts to God for looking at me and never even thinking about turning back.
This November, Aaron and I will make 4 years of dating. CRAZY! Even though it’s been sometimes bumpy, I wouldn’t trade the last 4 years for anything because…all roads have led back to God ..every.time. And all God needs is my willing heart to repeatedly say, “Yes Lord, I’ll follow you. I trust you and your timing is perfect.”
Until next time,