& i waz standin there
lookin at myself
the whole time & it waznt a spirit took my stuff
waz a man whose ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow
waz a man faster than my innocence
waz a lover
i made too much room for
almost run off wit alla my stuff
& i didnt know i’d give it up so quik
& the one runnin wit it
don’t know he got it
& i’m shoutin this is mine
& he dont know he got it/
my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure of the year
did you know somebody almost got away wit me?
me in a plastic bag under their arm
This excerpt is from the lady in green as part of the choreopoem “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf”. When I was introduced to this poem, I was a junior in college taking a Black Feminism course (NYU pride). It amazed me how all of the women (represented not by name but by color) were given the space to share their stories, their hurts and pains, and their strength. Also, each woman who was part of the poem is representative of a different aspect of each woman reading it. The lady in green is a woman who speaks about a man who almost walked away with everything that makes up the core of who she is. She has now realized that she deserves the best parts of herself – her scars, her frame, her thoughts, her strength, and her future.
As I reflect on another year passing and another one to come, I can’t help but reflect on alla my stuff. I’ve been forced to look at my stuff. Who am I? What hurts me? What is hurting me? What is growing me? What is stunting my growth? What am I producing? What am I going to become? All of these questions are part of my own self-reflection. This year forced me to look internally for my stuff – not any accolades, relationships, or accomplishments. Who am I when all of that is stripped away? Who is Wyneisha at her core? Who or what almost walked away wid alla her stuff?
I realize that fear, disappointment, discontentment, fear of failure, lack of fulfillment almost walked away with my best self. I know it’s because I’ve allowed myself to fall into pitfalls of self-doubt and faithlessness. And I loved those spaces because there was an odd comfort in being such familiar places but …I can’t do it anymore! I can’t live beneath the potential that God has placed in me. I know that you may be reading this and realizing that you no longer want to live in those places either. But in 2018 – my life will not look the same. I’m taking intentional time to look at myself and learn about who I am. Like the woman in green, I AM SHOUTING THAT THIS IS MINE.
My best self.
All of it is mine and I’m determined to lived a life full of faith and transformation. No man, no doubt, no fear is going to have such a hold over my life this year. I’m going after my book, my YouTube channel, my relationship with God, my love life, my goals so hard this year because if I don’t, who will?! I’m declaring that over my life and I hope that you are making changes and declarations over yours.
Here some scriptures that are keeping me sturdy in the new year – feel free to write these down, screenshot them, commit them to your heart and your mind.
1. Isaiah 43:2
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.”
2. Psalm 37:5
“Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him, and He will act.”
3. Romans 8:18
“The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”
4. Proverbs 31:25
“She is clothed in strength, and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”
5. Joshua 1:9
“Be bold. Be brave. Be courageous.”
I am bold, I am brave, I am mine.
Happy New Year!!